Jul. 13, 2015

Starting the Healing Process

I’m just going to start by saying losing Lake Sucks!  No need to flower it up.  My heart hurts, my head feels like it is going to explode and anything can set off the tears.  Today was a better day.  I’ve had a few days to process this and now I am starting to realize things that happened to me and my life that I didn’t see.  I learned that I am a ‘Horse’ person. I thought I would not want to have anything to do with horses for awhile.  I found myself at the farm at 9:00am this morning.  I needed to be around ‘Horse’ people. I was a little nervous as I drove there because I wasn’t sure how I would hold up. When I got there I brought treats to the horses in Lake’s pasture.  Then I went and hung out at Chloe’s tack room.  Her Mom, Donna, helps on Monday and Friday with the horses Chloe is riding for the day so she was there and I love talking to her!  I watched Chloe work with horses that were just on their 2nd day of having a saddle on and then watched her train with another trainer on a horse that is in a pasture right next to Lake’s.  I met her (the horse’s) Mama today, Mary, and she told me she had followed Lake’s blog.  That made me hold back tears because then I realized Lake really did impact a lot of people.  I was honored she read the blog.  I also realized that while being at the farm, I had felt the best I have since hearing the horrible voicemail that would send my day into a tailspin.  I didn’t get the message until almost 9am because I didn’t check my phone.  Terry had called a few times starting at 6:20am.  Chloe also tried to reach me.  There was a lot of effort put into making sure I did not show up at the farm Saturday morning by myself ready to ride.  Thank you!!  That would have been way worse!  My feeling of needing to be there today only confirmed that I am getting another rescue.  There is no question in my mind! This experienced also made me realize how much of my free time was spent with my horse and I really do not want to fill that space with anything else if it does not have something to do with horses.  I have a horse in mind.  Some are probably thinking how can I possibly start looking so early?   The sooner I get started on continuing what Lake started, the sooner I will heal.  I know this about myself.  I am like an OTTB, I need another job.  Too much down time will just make me sad.  I’m not going to talk about her yet except to say that she was a horse I was looking at when I was also looking at Lake.  Lake was the best fit at the time.  I haven’t met her yet but have requested to so I will update on the progress of that.  It will happen if it was meant to be.  I just have that same gut feeling I did with Lake even before the adoption process began.  I can’t explain it.  I was not actively looking for another horse.  I saw her update on FB the same day I lost Lake.  I remembered that I had her video and rescue page I saw almost a year ago, in my favorites on my computer.  She also has a tie to one of the posts I had done more towards the beginning of my blog so I will talk about that too if it happens.  I don’t want to jinx myself.  I asked Terry today if I can keep my stuff where it is at for awhile and he said no problem. 👍 Lake is irreplaceable but there is room in my heart for more.  Lake made this possible.  I am angry that my time with her was so short. She was an AMAZING Horse!!  She left a hoof print in my Heart that will remain forever.  I put this picture of her up again because it is one of my favorites and one of my most recent.🙂